Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The Markets Are Broken

Quentin E. Klopjaeger writes:
I was recently vacationing in Naples. Naples, Florida, that is. I have come over the years to love 107.1 FM, your headquarters for smooth sounds and easy living. In recent years, it has migrated to 100.1 FM. This time, though, even that was no more. I was gobsmacked. When I got home, I looked all around the Internet until I found this account. We must stop the bleeding. Smooth jazz is being shoved out of the way rudely by "an upbeat, high-energy, rhythmic selection of songs intended to make you 'feel good.'" Sirs, I do not feel good. I feel robbed.

Monday, March 9, 2009

A Bail Out We Can Believe In...

Tweez sez: What proof of the prejudice running rampant in our country right now? While the government and media are obsessed with AIG, GM, Citibank and other temples of wanton greed, a critical sector of monumental national interest is being left to flounder. Muzak, the font of creativity that gives the gift of Muzak to every dentists office across this great country of ours is going bankrupt. And yet Geitner is silent. And to my knowledge, Obama is still yet to make a statement on his administrations response to the collapse of the Muzak sector. Use this email link to make your voice heard. And remember. We have a right to bear arms people!!!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Braun Over Brains

Quentin E. Klopjaeger writes:
So happy that Boney James came up, because it gives me a chance to also point the smooth jazz finger of distinction at his sometime collaborator, the trumpeter Rick Braun. The two of them once did a supersmooth superurban supercover of "Grazing In the Grass." Does everyone remember? I don't have much more to say about Braun, except this:

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

...his name is B-O-N-E-Y

Bon Schmidt: Where have we gone with this blog? Talk of cruises? Nephews? Frakin’ Allen Kepler? ALLEN KEPLER? That guy ain’t cool…he is a douche…everybody knows that. Good taste in music does not an icon make, car-peesh? HE IS A FAILED TRUMPET PLAYER! Why do you think Norman Brown took off and won the Grammy without him?
Okay, I cannot verify that last factoid, but I can relate this: I thought we were theoretically pontificating about MUSIC in this space…the stuff that stirs us to the souls of our bones…to that deep place where the work-a-day world tries to get to, but only the smoothest of sounds can.
I have been reading these posts and feeling wirey, my friends. And that—THAT--is when I turn up the Boney. Boney James, ladies and gentleman. The Urban Smooth Jazzer. The former winger to Morris Day, The Isley Brohers and the legendary Bobby Caldwell. HE is the natural offspring of the Kenny “Starbucks” G movement…hell, he even brandished the hair!
I snuck into the Warner Bros. Records building to see him play for the staff pre-Sweet Thing (1997). He played his heart out and the mostly older female audience (sexy) was triumphantly absorbed. To me, that era was thee finest…muy sweet, muy smooth…the Rufus cover (title track), the flowing solo on “It’s All Good”, Peter White’s accordion and AL JARREAU!!!! Pure goodness.
What’s more, guru Paul Brown produced a record here that shows off the sexiness of the new Bryson C-Series! Not many records can boast that!
A decade later I saw a Boney again flow a fantastic Smooth Jazz All-Star Cruise (admittedly)--you can espy me (if you don't blink) grooving on the youtube video of Stone Groove (my hair was a little shorter then). Boney takes R&B and smooths it out to the groove that I truly love.
Let’s stick to music, fellas….and I dare you to beat the Boney.

Blood Is Thinner That Smooth Jazz

Quentin E. Klopjaeger writes:
I have a nephew who hates smooth jazz and as a result I hate him. Still, he is my breeder sister's offspring and so I am obligated to listen to him go on about his "Black Lips" and "Ponytail" and "White Stripe" and whatever other wretched music is being dumped into the cavity between his ears. The other day he called me. He was out west, in a city he would not name, and he stumbled upon a performance by Chuck Mangione. What? That's what I said: "What?" He told me that he went in and stood at the back of the hall and listened to Mr. Mangione and his band. "He played some meandering formless thing that went on for ten minutes," he said. "It was like being hit in the head by a foam hammer."
Was it "Love the Feelin'?" I said, referring of course to one of the anchor tracks of his 1976 album "Main Squeeze."
"Whatever," he said.
I am sure it was "Love the Feelin'." And one day I will love the feelin'...of disowning him.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The Love Boat

Errm. How on earth where we left out of the loop on this? The Smooth Jazz Cruise? There have been seven annual sailings. Who knew? I never learned to swim, but that would not stop me heading down to Half Moon Cay with the likes of Euge Groove and the finger-tastic Jake Shimabukuro.

Smooth Jazz has, of course, been the official music of cruisin', ever since this...

Monday, March 2, 2009

Allen Kepler for President

Tweezer Cohen opines: There are two types of people in this world. Those who like their Smooth Jazz on the classic side (and lord knows there are enough members of this web site fraternity who can you bore you drooly about that dust covered historical irrelevancy.) and those who like their sounds on the Fresh side. The question is... who turns you onto Smooth Jazz innovation? Who is the voice of progress? Gives you your fix? Is the pusherman, so to speak? The answer for me to each of the last questions is Mr. Allen Kepler, the host of the Smooth Jazz Top 20 countdown on the Smooth Jazz Network. If there was a Pullitzer for Smooth Jazzery, Kepler would have a very full shelf-above-the-fireplace if you know what I mean. And with his angular cheekbones, Roman nose and articulate eyes, he is an all round model for today's smooth jazz listening youth. If anyone else can name me a more influential progressive force in our community, I would love to hear from you...